Baby Mama Drama
KING-Mag.com's new advice columnist, Janine A. Morris, lives in Queens, New York, authored three relationship novels, writes for 98.7 KISS FM and is the former Music Coordinator at WQHT, Hot 97, the #1 Hip-Hop station in New York. Morris graduated from Hofstra University with a degree in communications, and her passion for writing began when she started writing for the school newspaper in junior high school. She has written articles for magazines such as XXL, The Source, Don Diva, and more. Morris is currently attending law school, and is hard at work on her next novel. Have a relationship question? Hit up her email and she'll be glad to help you out.
Dear Janine,
I have an 8-year-old-child and a newborn not even two months old by two mothers. I haven't been romantic with the first mother for eight years and the second mother I've been off and on with for like three and a half years. My problem is I love the first mother and I'm in love with the second mother but my family is in love with the first and loves the second. They both want to be with me and I don't know if I should follow my heart or the advice of my close family who I know is also looking out for my well-being? Mother one is church going and gets along with all my family members, mother two is more out going and gets along with some members of the family so far (hasn't met them all yet).
They both deserve to have the father of there child in there life as there man/husband, but only one can have that. How do I decide?
Janine says: Before I even get into the dilemma I just want to say how crazy it is that you men get to just choose which women you want to ‘bless with your presence and commitment.' It's so crazy how in this day and age; you men are the prizes and not the women.
Unfortunately, time and society have surely put the ball in you guy's court it seems. (Ok, now that I got that out of the way).
I must admit this seems like a real hard decision to make when you look at it from the perspective of your daughters, for they both are innocent bystanders in this dilemma. However, a decision has to be made sooner than later. The more you prolong this, the more damage is being done, both to your relationship with your daughters and with their mothers. In order to make this decision and end up with the best result possible, realizing that neither decision is going to make everyone involved happy is to weigh the pros and cons. You need to first weigh the pros and cons of each woman and what they bring to your life, what they bring to it now and what they can bring to it later. Consider which woman is a more suitable wife or life long partner, consider which one practices the parenting skills you most agree with, which one will make you happier. However, the decision can't be a selfish one. You must also consider which one deserves to have the family environment more, which one stuck by you and never did you dirty. Most importantly you must decide what effect each decision would have on your daughters, respectively. If you ended up with your eight-year-old daughter's mother it will allow you to make up for the last eight years and still have a chance to be a great father to your new daughter who can be welcomed in your older daughter and partner's life. If you choose your newborn daughter's mother you will have a fresh chance at building a family. You must choose which "happy ending†works best all around, not just for you.
I wish you the best of luck with this and may the best woman win.
Send questions and comments to: Jam@JanineAMorris.com