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ABronx fan asks: My friend has a girlfriend that I don’t like…at all! Anytime we plan to go somewhere the girlfriend is always invited and I am really tired of seeing her around. How do I tell my friend how I feel about their girlfriend without hurting their feelings? What should I do?

Janine says: I chuckled when I read this question. I don’t mean to laugh Bronxfan, but your emphasized ‘at all’ really expresses your dislike. However, I would like to know why you don’t like her or how this ‘extra friend’ feels towards you because those factors play a part on how you should handle it. It is also unclear if this is a male friends significant other, or a female friends home girl, those two situations require totally different approaches. I am assuming this is a female friend’s platonic girlfriend, because I am assuming you would have said it was a male or a romantic relationship if it had been. (If I assumed wrong, feel free to clarify and I will reassess my answer.)

In the meantime, without knowing all the details I want to advise you try to smooth over the problems you have with this girl, at least for the sake of your friend. Possibly pull the girl aside and have an adult conversation with her to see if you can resolve the issues between you. It is very likely it is all a misunderstanding; I say it is more than likely because it seems that if it was something substantial your friend and this ‘extra friend’ would know your problem with the girl already.

If the girl doesn’t like you either (which you didn’t mention), then I can totally understand how hanging out with her is difficult. However if she is humble as pie towards you, but you just cant seem to soften up towards her maybe you should examine what is the true issue. Is it something she has done? If so, can you not forgive her? Is it a level of jealousy you haven’t owned up to? If so, of course it would be mature of you to be happy for this girl and welcome her to motivate you. Is it that you and her have nothing in common and you don’t enjoy her company? If so, maybe you can try to be open-minded and try to embrace the differences you to have to learn from them.

If the approach of being the bigger person has not worked, whether because she is being a nasty person or her personality is that unbearable for you, then maybe it is time to discuss it with your friend. You don’t have to say anything insulting about the “extra friend” to explain your position. You can politely tell her that you don’t enjoy yourself when you hang out with the two of them. To elaborate you can explain that you and the ‘extra friends’ personalities clash and you would prefer not to spend your spare time in her company. You can inform her that you would prefer she not invite this other girl along with two of you or to be understanding if you choose not to join them. Your friend should value your honesty and not take offense by that, she would like the same courtesy if it was her.

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