What's the wildest thing you've ever done in your life?
I can't say.

How about the second wildest, then?
I had a little rendezvous in the dressing room in the men's department of a store.

That can be sexy.
Well, sexy or not, it went down. You know, "Boo let's go try on clothes, and while you're trying your clothes on, I'll be trying you on.” The first wildest, I'm not telling. That will never hit the airwaves.

Booooring. Are you looking for real love or something?
I don't have time to devote to nurturing a relationship. I just don't have the time or energy to facilitate a relationship. So to all the single guys out there: I'm dating. They'll see the pictures, but be sure to tell them I'm cute.

Word. You were looking real tasty on that lo-lo. You like low riders?
I do. I definitely like old-school cars. And sports cars. I like everything fast.

Me too. You got some sexy pictures on your MySpace page, too. You get any weirdos trying to be your buddy?
You get guys who say they want to eat your ass out. Like, "Is this really you? Because ma, I would suck you till your head caves in.” I've had men say some really weird shit to me.

You ever get turned on and say, "Well let me put this freak to the side. I got to see what he's all about”?
Nah, because you never know what you getting. You could see a picture of somebody and that could be his baby cousin.

I feel you. Let's get back to the whole "eating your ass out” part, though. How does one go about saying that? "Dear Cheri, I love your single, can I eat you?”
No doubt. "What's up, this is Jerk X from wherever. You looking real good. Yo ma, I would eat your ass till you can't move.” This is the kind of stuff that people write to you. You don't know who's who, so you can't really respond. You have to read them for fun and move on. He could show up at the office and say, "It's me! You know me. You ready for that ass eating?” I'm not trying to have any of those experiences.

You know what, scratch those flash cards we talked about. Let's make our own heartfelt greeting cards. I can envision it now, "Nothing says Happy Valentines Day like ‘Ma, Let me eat your ass!'”
That just might work.--Kawan Ari

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