If you thought the collapse of the economy and the war in Iraq were the biggest disasters in 2008, then you must've missed out on VH1's Real Chance of Love. Featuring seventeen attention-hungry women fighting for the hearts of reality TV vets Chance and Real, the show's constant catfights and dead momma (!) jokes signaled a new low for celebreality. With a reunion special airing this Monday night on VH1, KING talked to rejected cast members So Hood and Promo to find out why they came up short on the show and which of their co-stars were dumb asses, slut-buckets and industry hoes.

Were you surprised when Chance eliminated you?
So Hood: I just knew I was going to get a chain! I knew I was going to stay the whole time. He was so fascinated about my butt; that's all he talks about is my ass. Like, "Whoa, she's cute in the face, thick in the waist.” Me and Chance really connected. People didn't get to see me calm, it never showed us kissing. I honestly believe Chance is crazy about me.

But Promo says he was crazy about Rabbit and Cali.
He was blinded by [Cali's] big, fake-ass double D's she kept waving in everyone's face. And Rabbit, with the long hair—I think it was a physical attraction. I had his mind, his heart. They had his dick.

Did you have any problems with any girls in the house?
Meatball and Bubbles. Them two heffas—I'm not gonna call them bitches I'mma call them unstable creatures, skeezers. Meatball, the night before I went home, she grew some huge testicles while she was drinking, and stepped in my room ‘cause Chance was there. She's like "I wanna give [Chance] a kiss." I wasn't having that. And everyone [thought] Bubbles seems like a nice person, but if you had to live with that bitch, it'd be a different story. The bitch doesn't think before she speaks! That bitch is a Martian, crazy to the point where she needs to go get checked.

Word on the show was that KO is a lesbian. Did you get that vibe?
Not at all. She's a little masculine, always talking about kicking someone's ass. I like that about her, because I'm on the same page. I don't play that shit!

Did the show cast a bad light on you?
Yeah. I wish they would've showed us kissing [and] the conversations that we had on our first date.

Are you looking forward to the reunion?
Absolutely. I'm picking out dress, my hair, my weave, my boobs. I'm picking out everything right now.

Are you going to try and get him back?
I don't even have to do anything. [Between] the slut-bucket Cali—who's an industry hoe—and Bubbles and Meatball's dumb-asses, Rabbit's furry ass, and Risky's old, cheap-clothes-wearing ass, he's gonna need a stable ride-or-die chick.

And that's you?
Who else but me!