It seems like almost every sports story in the news right now is negative. Roger Clemens is allegedly getting needles stuck in his ass. Kelvin Sampson of Indiana University is alledgedly breaking NCAA rules again. Cleveland Browns quarterback Brady Quinn is allegedly calling people gaywads outside bars. As negative as all of these stories are, the one that bothers me the most is Bill Belicheck's secret videotaping activities.

Not to completely discredit all of the accomplishments that the New England Patriots pulled off during Belichick's coaching tenure, but I'd imagine that knowing what defenses are coming at you before the play even happens would help you win a lot of games. I mean, Tom Brady could have thrown me a touchdown pass under those circumstances! If I played on one of the opposing teams that had their signals stolen...Especially one of the Super Bowl teams, I'd be ready to kick Belichick's ass!

Seriously though, Bill Belichick has always struck me as somewhat of a jerk. That said, even if his public persona were different, there's no way that we could be friends now, after this "Spygate" mess. I can't have people around me who like to secretly videotape stuff. My life is too wild. Suppose I want to get married one day, and this fool attends at the bachelor party. Next thing I know, Bill's trying to blackmail me, talking about "What will your fiancee think about THIS FOOTAGE of big silicone stripper titties in your face? I can make the tape dissappear for $10,000. Have my money by tomorrow, or this sh*t is going on Youtube!"

I can't have sneaky bammas like that in my presence, because you never know what he'll videotape next. All I can say is, poor Tom Brady...