Ghostface Killers

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My name is Matt Barone. This is my first-ever blog post (well, kind of). And the more I think about it, this will soon be the main consumption of my life. I am 26 years old, and in less than a year, the readers of KING-Mag.com will fully realize how much I tend to over-think and over-talk about film. I don't personally realize this to its fullest extent yet, and in a way, I'm already overdoing it, being that I just introduced my new movie-centered blog by long-windedly referencing the opening lines from American Beauty.

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Sorry about that. I'd been trying to think of a clever way to introduce myself, but fuck it. That either went completely over your heads, or it just showed you how much of a nerd I am for this cinema ish. But hey, what's a blog post if not a shameless display of the author's blurred sense of self-worth? Let's drop the intro bullshit then, and get right into it. Real to Reel is going to be the one-stop shop on KING-mag.com for any and everything film-related—new trailers, movie reviews, DVD round-ups, and more, all served on a plate of strong opinion that y'all will love, hate, not give two shits about, or be totally lost. But hopefully, I'll be able to rub off (a-yo!) some of my excitement for this stuff on to whoever happens to actually read this. And bear with me—being my first post, I'm still working the kinks out on this blogging style. I'm a fast learner, though, so breathe easy.

For this first post, I want to bring a new trailer to your attention. One thing you'll soon realize about me is that I'm a known horror junkie—one who'd rather re-watch Suspiria and Session 9 over Saw and Hostel any day of the week. And being a lover of gore, sub-par acting, and rehashed setpieces of murder and mayhem, I love going to see horror flicks in the theatre, because it's guaranteed you'll see a few fresh genre trailers on the big screen. Of course, they're usually laughable and about as scary as Chris Brown vampire-ish "Wall 2 Wall” video, but damn I love ‘em.

I saw The Ruins this weekend, a refreshing dose of squirms, blood, and surprisingly good acting that replaces knife-wielding psychopaths with clever, bloodthirsty vines and other plantlife—yeah, no joke (Go for the superbad "cell phone” scene, but leave before the final five minutes—one truly piss-poor ending, it has). But prior to it, about five trailers rolled. That new Harold & Kumar joint and this Tropic Thunder one (more on the latter later this week) both look quite funny, but the teaser for The Strangers was truly my shhhh.

I'd seen The Strangers' trailer online already, but catching it on the big screen is a whole other experience. Sure, it's a tired setup (a married couple is terrorized in their home by masked assailants); but, based off this trailer, at least, this one rocks. The freaky chick lurking behind Liv Tyler is dope, but once that ax crashed through the door, I'd immediately marked down May 30 in my Blackberry calendar. The scratchy, broken record music alone has me sprung.

I'm partly mad at myself for being so excited. For one, it stars that chump from those Underworld movies who managed to get freaky with my boo Kate Beckinsale. But mostly, I'm vocal about demanding more originality in my horror, and The Strangers, really, seems equal parts last year's uneven-but-enjoyable Vacancy (those masks are a bit similar) and the brilliant, but largely foreign to audiences, French thrill-ride Ils (Them) (The Strangers is basically just an Americanized version).

But screw it, a trailer this well-executed is hard to ignore. Granted, horror trailers usually promise opposite results from their complete products—while the trailer for last year's The Mist was weaker than a Shawty Lo verse, the film itself turned out to be the best American-made horror movie since, hmm, The Ring? God I really hope that's a wrong guess-timate. So, this Strangers trailer begs the question—will the actual movie live up to this promise and rival The Mist for our country's modern day terror championship, or is this the best two-and-a-half condensed minutes this generic, tired flick has to offer?