Groupies Here, Groupies There
I know a guy from Hawaii. He once told me that as a native of the island, him and his boys had no problems getting laid, but it wasn't because the Hawaiian women were loose or anything like that. It was because of all the girls who would go to the island for vacation. He told me they called the girls island groupies, and they were so easy to lay down with, that he and his boys didn't even allow island groupies to count when they talked about their numbers. There was the lay and the lei. The lay was what you got from the tourists and anybody could get that. The lei, which is when an island man hooked up with an island girl, was a testament to how much of a mack you really were, because the island girls didn't see the big deal in their brethren.
(It should be noted, I know quite a few people from other islands, like Jamaica, Puerto Rico, and heard similar things from the men who live there)
This begs the question, when it comes to groupies, where is the ceiling? This isn't a post to slander women. I'm just saying, if we resign ourselves to this idea that early in a man's age, he learns about women and realizes he likes women. A lot. Then the very second thought that comes after the girl is what can he do to get the girl. Even the dude at the local movie theater box office is trying to hook up the cutie and her friends with free tickets because he's hoping she's impressionable enough to come out them panties. To wit:
- Legend has it, the great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a chick magnet - that after one of his liberating speeches, the ladies would be lined up to shake more than his hand, if you get my drift.
- This past weekend, my girl was telling me about this one poet she once saw who read a poem about poetry groupies.
- Supposedly, one of the biggest reasons a man tries to become a firefighter is for the chicks.
- Apparently, professional video game players get a lot of "attention" from the ladies on the competition circuit.
Stories like these are fascinating to me, if only because, when I was growing up, I always thought the only guys who got all the girls were the athletes or the entertainers. I mean, my pop's built houses, a one-of-a-kind talent if I do say so myself, and never once did I see a group of women lining up outside of the construction site. But now I'm older, and seen enough in my still-young-lifetime to know that what really gets rewarded by the ladies is some ambition and talent.
Sure there are gold diggers out there. Women who use their tail and other physical assets to get what they want out of life are a dime-a-dozen. But I'm not talking about these types of groupies. I'm talking about women who will sleep with a man solely off the strength of their talent, and that talent could be anything, you just have to be the best at it.
But the media would have you believe differently. Tom Brady gets all the magazine covers, and sleeps with super models because he's the quarterback of an NFL football team. Bill Gates gets magazine covers too, he also has donated millions of his own dollars into enriching the lives of others, and is richer than the people who own Tom Brady, but I'd bet his fortune against my pennies that he ain't ever gotten so much as a hug from a supermodel. Though that isn't because he looks like, well, Bill Gates. It's because Bill Gates isn't out night after night, making it rain, and hoping to get some trim off the strength of his pockets. He's not that type of man. Tom Brady, on the other hand, is that type of man, which is why he's a baby daddy and his baby's mama didn't even give their son Brady's last name. (Talk about a slap in the face...I don't care how many Super Bowl rings you win, if your seed doesn't get your last name, you lost, homie. But I digress...)
The truth is, the amount of ass a man gets has little to do with what he does for a living, and has everything to do with who he is. Think about it. Supposedly, Magic Johnson would get so many requests for his magic stick, that he would pass them off to his teammates. A.C. Green was one of his teammates, and he was a virgin. He might still be, but I don't know, because I'm too lazy to look it up. But I'm saying, the type of man A.C. Green is, is the only reason he was probably chilling when Magic Johnson broke the news of being HIV positive, while the rest of Magic's teammates were probably soiling their pants.
I'm not trying to preach here, because I know a lot of the brothers who read this column are enlightened enough to know they don't need to be in the NBA or on stage at the Grammy's to get that groupie love. They can be the manager of a women's shoe store, or a head chef, or a pilot, and still score with the ladies, if that's what they wanted to do. But unfortunately, to many young boys aren't trying to hear all that. They see the glamour and glitz and the women who are seeing it too, and to them, that's all the evidence young, impressionable men need to pursue a singing career. And that kind of motivation don't stick.
If it's around-the-clock no-strings-attached sex with strangers you want, pursue a career in a porn. If it's groupies you want, then you know what you should be? A man - the type of man who makes his own way and succeeds in life by pursuing his goals honestly. Sure, that may not seem like the ticket to getting that groupie love, but trust me, if the best video game players in the world get a chance to write their autograph on some baby-feeders, then there are definitely some fish who want to bite on you, Mr. Postman.
MOTIVATION TO WRITE THIS PIECE
- So You Wanna Be A Pro Video Gamer? By Patrick Hruby (ESPN.com article)
- A conversation with my boy from Hawaii, who shall remain anonymous, since what he told me is probably an ancient island secret I wasn't supposed to know about.