While reading the paper yesterday afternoon when I was supposed to be working, I noticed a story with a photo of Chuck Norris next to it. Since all things Chuck Norris-related are either kick-ass or funny, I was compelled to read further. What I discovered from my reading is that James D. Brasher, former CEO of Chuck Norris' Kick Drugs Out of America foundation, plead guilty to stealing over $100,000 from the charity for inner-city youth.
Now I'm not a judge, but I do think I have the perfect sentence for this guy: Five years.
Not five years in prison...
Five years of sparring with Chuck Norris every day, with no protective gear other than a mouthpiece, so that his neighbors can hear him cry himrself to sleep at night, knowing that he have to wake up the next morning and get his ass whipped by old-ass Chuck Norris, all over again!
Five years of a 60+ year old man leaving his footprint in your ass is sufficient punishment for stealing from a children's charity. Think about it: He might get butt-raped in prison. Chuck would never rape anyone. He'd merely deliver uppercuts, roundhouse kicks and elbows with GREAT VENGEANCE and FUUUURIOUS ANGER out this motherfucker! It's more than fair and fitting, considering the nature of the crime.
I wish I could have been at the trial. I would have yelled out "BITCH DON'T YOU STEAL FROM CHUCK NORRIS!" Then I'd go Walker, Texas Ranger on that ass in the courtroom. Fucking with the kids' anti-drug money...Someone forward this entry to the judge, so he can make it happen!