King of The Dance Show

I can't claim to be a devoted fan of ABC's Dancing With The Stars. At best, I'm a casual one, who only tunes in when one of the contestants has the potential to bring some serious unintentional comedy, i.e. Clyde Drexler and Floyd Mayweather. But, since nothing else was of interest to me last night, I decided to tune into the season finale, if only to see Melanie Brown, she of the Eddie Murphy baby-mama-drama, dance her fine ass off.

Mel B. ended up losing to some race car driver, which was a shock to me because apparently she was bodying her competition the entire season and from what I saw last night, the sexy Spice Girl was far better at this whole dancing thing than her competition. After the show, my lady mentioned that a female hasn't won the competition since the first season, which at first seemed like nothing more than a fun fact, but soon became a significant point when you consider the robbery I witnessed last night.

The reason why Mel B. and past female contesntants like Laila Ali - who I saw a couple of times - are losing no matter how good they are is because of gender roles. Think about it. When you go into a club, women belong on the dance floor, whereas men belong at the pool table. So when we see a role reversal like the one on Dancing With The Stars it's the men who get the oohs and aahs. Meanwhile, the women get polite applause. We place no value on women who can move whereas men who can move are always placed at a premium. I mean, really, when someone like Laila Ali does her thug thizzle on the dance floor, how surprised are you? My guess is not so much. But when someone like Emmit Smith does the same thing, that's pretty damn impressive, right? Right.

On top of that, I'm willing to bet, most of the people who vote are women, and women will take a woman all the way to the final round, but sooner or later, envy is going to overcome a lot of these couch potatoettes and force them to make irrational decisions. It's too bad men like me won't vote for the female contestants. After all, voting on a reality television show is just about the most emasculating thing a man can do.

So what's the solution? Well, here's mine: If the producers of Dancing With The Stars want to reverse the phenomenon of men taking home the grand prize, they either have to get a lineup of men who women hate like Flavor Flav and O.J. Simpson, or a lineup of female contestants that are A) fairly unattractive or B) fairly overweight. You know, like the average woman who watches the show. Until then, get ready to see more men win a woman's game.