Ladies on Leon’s Radar
First off, I would like to apologize to the fans of Fine Sh*terature for not posting much in the past month. October was pretty hectic for me, starting with an appearance on NPR, then a feature in The Washington Post andÂ finally, a commercial with Biz Markie. As a result of being so busy, I kind of neglectedÂ all ofÂ theÂ great King Magazine readers who stop by here from time to time. Hopefully, today's entry will more than make up for things.
Since all this good fortune has fallen my way, it is now official: I am a half-assed celebrity. As a newly-minted half-assed celebrity, I want to allow you all to witness my first act of halfway-famousness. I am hereby issuing myÂ first list of celebrities that I will most definitely approach andÂ ask out,Â if given the opportunity. Without further adieu, these are the women on my radar:
If I had to imagine aÂ woman that is theÂ epitomie the word "sexy," Summer Walker isÂ basically the one thatÂ comes to mind. She does it for me. Seriously, she does. She does it. For me. That's right. Me.
The woman's so damn fine, she's got me talking jibberish right now. Let me get it out of my system in print form, because if I ever see her in public, I'm going to need to bring my A-Game to make that happen!
I alway knew thatÂ Lauren London isÂ beautiful, but I never realized just how fine she is until the other day when I was flipping channels and saw her on Michael Baisden's talk show. I immediately put down the remote and decided that Lauren London belongs on this list. I would two-step in the name of love over hot coals for that woman. I would learn to speak Arabic, travel to the Gaza Strip unarmed,Â then bring about peace to everyone inÂ the Middle East, just to impress her. I'd even go so far as to...sit through that movie ATL, just to take a glance at her. I'm sorry Lauren, but once I heard the movie was aboutÂ roller-skating, I couldn't bring myself to watch it.Â Don't holdÂ that against me when I ask you for your phone number someday. Besides, I do plan on seeing This Christmas, so that should make things right.
I had to give the local DC sex symbol a shout out on here. The photos from that calendar shoot which were inÂ the latestÂ issue of King are what tookÂ Lizz over the top and gotÂ her mentioned here. Plus, she actually admits to reading my writing from time to time(which always helps). So Lizz, if you're reading this, you haveÂ always been sexy to me. Before I saw those photos, I wouldÂ have just keptÂ things to myself and waited forÂ the rightÂ openingÂ for me toÂ spit some Rico Suave, Ricardo Romance, oh-so-poetic game. Now that I've seen them, I am pretty much compelled to let you know right here and now, thatÂ if you were to everÂ give meÂ the word, it's goingÂ down like Frazier, and I ain't talkin' Kelsey Grammar!Â So umm, until you decide that you're ready to use me for my body, I'll be good. When or if that day comes, I'm giving you THE BUSINESS, 52 different ways from Sunday. Thanks for understanding.
That's three lovely ladies that I've set my sights on, so I'm going to quit while I'm behind.Â Â In the meantime, I'll be over hereÂ doing push-ups and sit-ups in preparation for marathon lovemaking sessions with some beautiful celebrity that isÂ out of pretty much all of your respective leagues, but right up my alley since I'm a card-carrying half-assed celebrity now! If things work out, I'll look in the mirror after doing the "Leon Just Knocked The Bottom Out That Thang" dance, and salute all of you readers for supporting me and lifting me to such heights where actual celebrities mayÂ chooseÂ Leon asÂ their 2008, less-famous-than-them piece of man-candy!