Oh, It Ain’t My Fault!
According to the New York Times, Black women are single as a dollar bill. Granted, unmarried women seem to be all the rage if you read the article entirely, but I'll save you the trouble and cut to the chase. Here is a statistical breakdown of the percentage of married women according to race.
Asain women: 60%
Non-Hispanic White Women: 55%
Hispanic Women: 49%
Black Women: 30%
WHAT THE FUCK!?!?
My sisters, doesn't this make you all want to get your shit together? Really? Thirty percent! Almost 20 percent behind the next race of women? That's acceptable to y'all?
As someone who deals with black women exclusively, and remains fiercely devoted, I feel I'm qualified enough to say that y'all better straighten the hell up. While the idea that 70 percent of women out there don't have a ring on their finger is indeed tantalizing to me, it's also representative of a much larger issue that has gone on way too long, and that issue is this:
Sisters keep blaming everyone else but themselves for this problem.
Brothers cannot possibly be the main problem in a situation that affects 70 percent of black women. On behalf of my brothers, I'll take part of the blame, but only a very small part. Maybe something like, I don't know, 30 percent. But the other 70 percent of this crisis (because, let's face it, that's what it is) is going on a woman's shoulders. Shit, just look from within.
The thing women are missing is the intangibles. They can read all the statistics they want. Point to their Oprah's and BeyonceÂ´'s. They all went to school and learned how to become lawyers, doctors, and business women, but seemingly forgot how to be a good woman to their man, which I'm sorry, isn't the hardest thing to do. Shit, I find being a good man to my woman easy as hell compared to some of the courses I took in college. So what gives?
Let me ask the fellas, those who like me, are all committed to the idea of being with black women, and one day
marrying being with one. What do black women need to do in order to keep us? Here are a few of my suggestions. Brothers feel free to add your own in the comments section.
1) Get some new best friends: Enough with this diamonds shit. Fuck the bling. Whatever happened to an appreciation for flowers? I can get them from papi on the cheap at the grocery store, put them in a vase and some water, place 'em on a table or mantlepiece, and guess what, it actually makes your place look nicer! Go watch Blood Diamonds, and wake the hell up. Diamonds aren't hot.
2) Quit listening to BeyonceÂ´: Women are letting these songs go to their head. Those lyrics you quote weren't made with you in mind. You are not BeyonceÂ´and I will not treat you as such because guess what, I'm not Jay-Z. I make a decent salary, and so do you, so quit asking me to do things you can't do for yourself, or taking you out to places you can't afford to eat on your own. When the boss decides to upgrade my pay, then we'll talk about upgrading you.
3) Surprise ME: Call me high maintenance, but shit, every once in a while, I'd like you to buy me something just because. You know some book I've been meaning to get, or the jersey of my favorite sports team, and buy it for me on a day that isn't my birthday or father's day or Christmas. Just come home with a pair of Jordan's and say, "Here you go, baby. I got a little bonus and instead of spending it on myself, I wanted to get you a little something.
4) Compliment my interest: Ask me what I'm reading in the paper, and then read it yourself without you telling me, so we can actually have a conversation that is about something other than the bitch you were work with all day. Or, ask me what the score is on the game I'm watching and proceed to watch the game with me.
5) Don't raise your voice at me: This is not to say if you do decide to yell at me, I'll leave you. But when you yell, it causes a breakdown in communication, which is the number one reason most couples don't stay together. So maintain low tones at all times, lest you want me to get prehistoric on that ass. Put another way: If you wouldn't break up with me over it, then I don't want to hear you yelling at me about it.