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Dear Janine,

Is been a year and a few months since i broke up with my girl. Her current boyfriend is keeping us out of contact and she seems very happy with him. The only problem is i cant stop missing her and thinking of her. We broke up as a result of her cheating on me and many other reasons but this girl is just driving me crazy. I noticed that she is being very faithful to him or at least it seems like that to me. But i am so jealous of his happiness and always question why she couldn’t be that way when she was with me. In the back of my mind i know she is wrong for me but i cant help wanting her back in my life. My family and friends will be so disappointed if i allow her back into my life but i feel its the only way i can be sane again. If she is really happy i don’t want to be the reason for it to end. I want and miss her really bad. Please tell me what to do.

janineboots.jpgJanine says,

Love definitely does not always work the way we want it to. I can see that you are truly hurting and I definitely feel for you. However you have to at some point, and now is a better time than ever, face the reality that having her in your life very well may not be meant to be. If you can see that she is happy with this new person, you have to let it go. You have to know you are worth being with someone who wants to be with you too. If she cheated on you maybe she didn’t’t care for you the same way you did for her. I know that’s not easy to swallow when you are hurting so much, but sometimes facing the harsh truth gives you the strength you need to move forward.

On a comforting note, I am sure you have heard the phrase, ‘if you love something let it go and if it comes back it will be yours forever and if it doesn’t it was never yours to begin with.’ Well this is a time you can apply this theory as well. If this young lady realizes her loss she will come back, and then if you still want her too you guys can live happily ever after. However, if she does’nt come back then she wasn’t meant to be yours. You can’t force someone to be with you. In the meantime you have to get over it and keep living your life and looking for new love. It has been over a year since you broke up, you should be at least starting to move on by now.

Additionally, there seems to be a deeper issue here as well. Based on your willingness to accept her emotional abuse (cheating) and to ignore all of your friends and family, it appears that you may have some self esteem issues that you need to address. It is one thing to forgive someone, but you can’t internalize the blame for the wrong she has done to you. You should value your self worth and find it in your mind to move on, remembering that you shouldn’t waste any more valuable time crying over a woman who left you over a year ago after cheating on you and is not in contact with you at all. You deserve better, and you will find better as soon as you let it go.

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