Whatchu Know About This?
It's that time of year again. March Madness begins today and here's what we know: No one knows who will win this thing, word to Ms. Cleo. So, since everyone wants to come off as some experts, KING-MAG.com decided to throw their two cents in the ring and hand out some tips of their own on winning the bracket. Follow these words at your own risk. -Jozen Cummings
Bet on Black: When's the last time an all-white team has won the NCAA Tournament? Don't remember? Yeah, it's been that long, so we're suggesting that if you're going to pick a team to win this year, make sure some black players are on it, because if they're not, chances are you will lose.
Gator-Aid: Assuming at least one of the number one seeds will make it to the big one, we have to go with Florida, because when you think about it, they have the toughest mascot. They're the Gators, and the other number one seeds are as folllows:
East: North Carolina TAR HEELS - The mascot for the Tar Heels is actually a ram named Ramses, and unless he has magical powers, there's no way he's beating an alligator. Advantage: Gators
South: Ohio State BUCKEYES - A buckeye is the state tree in Ohio, a fairly immobile creature that would never be able to escape the wrath of a crazed, mislocated alligator. Advantage: Gators
West: University of Kansas JAYHAWKS - Kansas's mascot is actually a mythical bird, but even if it were to exist in real life, when's the last time a bird beat up an alligator? Exactly. Advantage: Gators
Add a Female Touch: Assuming you're not the type to date women with WNBA aspirations, every year ladies seem to run the table with most of these so-called experts and college ball enthusiasts. For instance, SLAM Magazine's editor-in-chief Ben Osborne has never won a tournament, but guess who has? "The person with the most success [in our office] historically is SLAM Managing Editor Susan Price," says Osborne. "This is somewhat ironic since Susan pays by far the least attention to college hoops of anyone on the staff." So yeah, get a woman's touch and save that machismo for more sure-shot guarantees like taxes.
No Internet Pools, Strictly Pencil: Most of these new-fangled, Internet pool tournaments are cheat-proof, so if you can, put in a request to all your pool administrators saying you would like to do things the old fashioned way. Then, make sure you get a pencil with a good eraser, a fresh pack of white-out, and change your picks on the sly. Some would call this cheating. We call it...umm, cheating.
Keep Your Day Job: In the early days of the tournament, games are on all day, thus making it difficult to keep track of how bad you're losing because we assume most of you all are at work (You do work, right? You wouldn't dare put money on something with no feasible means of income?). According to a study by Challenger Gray & Christmas, employers will lose in excess of $237 million for every 13.5 minutes workers spend watching the game on the Internet. So, to avoid the pink slip at the end of the three-week tournament (if you're betting in an office pool, you will not get fired until after the tournament is done, because bosses need to collect), text "Tourney Alert" to 4INFO (44636), a new text alert service that will send scores and upsets straight to your phone. Though the service is free, your carrier's fees may still apply.
Don't Bet Any Money: If you're not the gambling type or just not into March Madness, don't feel pressured to join an office pool. Save your money, and just ignore every other one of your male friends and colleagues. Really. Just act like they don't exist, because trust us, during tourney time, you don't exist to them either.