Why Tyra Doesn’t Get A Phone Call
"I don't have a boyfriend....I'm still waiting for them to call me back. They don't know I'm looking at the phone all day going, 'You gonna call me?'" - Tyra Banks in an interview with Ryan Seacrest.
When Supermodel and Victoria Secret Bra Buster Tyra Banks revealed to the new Dick Clark that she's as single as a dollar bill and even worse doesn't get her phone calls returned, a lot of men were probably keying the words "What the Fuck" into their skin.
Pimps like me already know why women like Tyra Banks, Halle Berry, and other seemingly untouchable breezies live a life like a sock with no match. So allow me to break it down for the rest of my brethren so it can forever and consistently be broken. Fellas, it's time to let go of the walker, and start pimping with a cane.
"When you see a fine ass woman walking down the street, keep in mind one thing: Some man, somewhere, is fed up with her." - H.P.L.'s brother
You see, all women, no matter how fine they are, have the potential to run their course. And if you're the type of man who has little to no problems finding a woman, your course can't facilitate a marathon. Consider the fact that she has two very popular TV shows and a multitude of other projects. That being said, she probably has little to no time to cook (strike 1), clean (strike 2), or have sex (STRIKE 3! 'fuckouttahere!).
And sure, those aren't the most cherished hallmarks of all good women, but look here, if I wanted a pretty thing lying around my house that didn't do any one of those things at least three times a week, I'd buy some flowers. So what's the incentive for us to call you back? To be graced by [insert your personal Tyra Banks here]? 'Fuckouttahere with that shit.
"Y'all be chasin, I replace 'em" - Jay-Z from "I Just Wanna Love U (Give It 2 Me)"
Basically most fine ass women come with a sense of entitlement, like they're the only one, and sadly, this is not the case. That little stuff between your legs, and the two attachments below your chin ain't gonna keep me. Tyra's fine, but even she knows there's fine women walking down the street that don't come with nearly as much baggage. Isn't that what America's Next Top Model is about anyway - finding the most beautiful girl right off the street? It's kind of like an On Demand cable package. I don't have to tolerate just drama, I got a lot of other choices to choose from. I'm telling you fellas, the women you see in Essence are just as fine as the women you see in KING. But the difference is KING girls know, this here is a man's world.
"Most niggas work at U.P.S." - Kool Keith
The flipside of this situation could be that Tyra Banks is aiming too high. Wasn't she with Chris Webber at some point? I mean, no woman should ever expect an NBA player to stay committed, especially an All-Star who starts. I don't give a fuck if he's the 12th man at the end of the bench for the New York Knicks. If he practices with the starting five and can say he's on the Knicks roster, he's getting laid at the hotel of every road game. So Tyra, if you want a ninja to call you back, why don't you go after LeRoy over at UPS, I'm pretty sure he ain't got shit to do after five.