Women and Their “Toys”
Last week, I was talking shop with a fellow literary giant by the name of Zondra Hughes. Ms. Hughes has an impressive list of media credentials, so when she talks, I listen. That's why the premise of her new book was rather thought-provoking, and disturbing at the same time. Let me explain what I mean...
Her book is titled "The M.O.O.D. Lounge, and it's tagline is "Smart girls will dump bad boys for great toys!" The premise is that men like me, who wield the mighty power of phenomenal wang, are using our soul poles for evil, and, for lack of a better term...d*ckmatizing women into letting us get away with murder. So in response, a New York sex therapist devises a cutting-edge therapy called The M.O.O.D. Lounge, or "Multiple Orgasms on Demand." She then connects with three other women dealing with their own relationship issues. Armed with their battery-powered boyfriends, the women join forces make the M.O.O.D. Lounge their official group therapy session/sex toy party. Along the way, they reclaim their power and happiness.
Now this is a interesting premise, and not just because I got a mental picture of four women pleasuring themselves in a room at the same time, butt-naked. It's interesting because a lot of women do go through d*ckmatization and let their dudes run all over them. The other reason it's intriguing to me, is that I'd like to know how many women could really be happy replacing good d*ck with a battery-operated sex toy. Let me know what y'all think about that.
Not to sound arrogant, but ladies, there IS NO replacing Leon Jr. jr. once he's been in contact with your woman parts! I'm serious! Beyonce had to change the lyrics to her song "Irreplacable" because the original version made Jay-Z angry. Here's how the song went at first:
"You must not know that D! You must not know that D!...I could have another dude in a minute, but I'd rather let Leon slide all up in it, baby...On my breasts! On my breasts! Don't get it in my hair, shoot it on my breasts...On my breasts! On my breasts!..."
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell y'all that Zondra is a cutie. Waaaay too sexy to be fooling around with a bunch of toys. I'm sure she probably averages about 12 dudes a day coming up to her and offering d*ck in some capacity...Then again, toys are cleaner and safer. If none of those dudes are right for her, I guess the vibrator is a loyal and true friend when those female hormones get out of control
But toys don't give you that thrust! That element of suprise! When you find a sex toy that can hit it from the back, while simultaneously grabbing a handful of hair and putting pressure on that spot right below your bellybutton, then you let me know. THAT'S when I'll stop talking so much sh*t and finally be humble! Until that day, I'm gonna bask in the glory of my Johnson and continue to skeep sunshine all over the souls of the needy!
Oh yeah, Zondra's book can be purchased through www.iUniverse.com and www.amazon.com, or at Barnes and Nobles. Buy it, y'all! I want to someday have pull like Oprah! Just mention a book and watch it become a New York Times Bestseller!
Since we're speaking of sex toys, let me leave you all with a hilarious clip from my favorite Richard Pryor movie, "Which Way is Up". Enjoy, everyone!