Contrary to popular belief, the institution of slavery in America did not end in 1865. In fact, it is alive and well in this very day and age. Hell, some of you readers out there are probably slave drivers and have yet to realize it. Let me give you an example so you can see what I'm getting at...

Random man in the club...let's call him, "Gary" sees random woman in the club. We'll call her "Tonya". Gary likes Tonya, so Gary walks over and says "What's up baby. Can I buy you a drink?"

Tanya is not all that attracted to Gary, but she sees a free drink opportunity. She responds, "Thank you. I'd like a Grey Goose gimlet."

Gary brings her the drink, and attempts to make small talk while Tonya takes a few sips. Next, Tonya walks away to catch up to her friends who are going to another part of the club. Gary is a little frustrated, since Tonya did not give him her phone number and barely even made eye contact. He proceeds to follow her and her friends around the club most of the night and stand arm's distance away from Tonya saying "That's f*cked up. You ain't sh*t!" every time he sees her dance with someone else.

Ladies and gentlemen, what you just witnessed is called Drink Slavery. It is an epidemic that has broken out nationwide at an alarming rate. Both parties in this situation are wrong in the scenario outlined above. I will now address each one and explain where the wrong move was made. Let's start with Gary.

Gary's initial approach was wrong. If "Can I buy you a drink" is the only opening you can think of, then you're in trouble. You're the type of dude that gets the women all liquored up so that a real muthaf*cka with swagger like such as myself can take them home with me and do all sorts of unprintable things to them without spending a dime.

Ok...I'll spend $2.99 for a 3 pack of Magnums from 7-11...but other than that, you picked up the tab for my evening of debauchery with the girl that you wanted. Thanks Gary, and to all others out there like you.

Also, to all the Garys of the world: Realize that your $10 investment on a drink does not mean that the female is your property for the evening. Following her around like a club stalker or getting mad when she chooses someone else won't make you feel any better, nor increase her interest in you. Just cut your losses and move on to the next one. Trust me, you'll be glad you did.

Now, let's turn our attention to Tonya. Don't think that she is innocent in this situation. The lesson for all the Tonyas of the world is this: If you know you're not interested in or attracted to a guy, don't take a drink from him. It's that simple. Stop trying to get over on somebody and just say "No thank you."

If you accept a drink from a dude, you should at least give the guy some kind of conversation for about the length of a couple of songs, or until he says something stupid. Whichever comes first. That's just common decency. When you are rude to certain people(like guys who lack the ability to talk to women without buying them liquor first), don't be suprised if they do something crazy or negative in retaliation. I'm not saying that it's right, but you set yourself up for the weirdo club stalker type when you're rude to people. A $10 drink is just not worth it.

There you have it. Not only is Drink Slavery alive and well, but both men and women are the ones keeping it going. My fellow Americans, I ask you to stop brown-nosing and sweet-caking these chicks with the promise of free liquor hoping that you may someday get to the light at the end of that tunnel called her vagina. I also ask you to stop letting these unoriginal, tap-dancing, soft shoe-ing dudes buy you drinks when you know you don't want anything to do with them whatsoever. I believe the poet Bob Marley said it best: "Emancipate yourself from Free Drink Slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds"

Well, that ain't exactly what he said, but it's close enough.