The other day, I was walking by this rowhouse in DC, when I could not help but notice a sign on the front porch. The sign read, "Protected by Great Dane Home Security System. 24 Hour Monitoring."


Now, I looked at this house, with it's little-ass yard, and said to myself "There's no way these people have a great dane living here. The yard is way too small. They probably have a poodle, or one of those link sausage-looking wiener dogs. Since punk-ass dogs don't scare anybody, they put that sign up to keep from getting robbed."

Then, I looked on the ground in their front yard, and saw a turd about the size of my lower leg. That's when I said "Ok. These people really do have a great dane!"

If the sign does not deter a burglar, then that turd will. No normal-sized animal could possibly produce such a formidable fecal specimen. Only the biggest and baddest of dogs are capable of such stankin' ass feats of wonder and astonishment.

 So if you're a burglar in DC and you happen to know how to read, heed this warning: When you see the above mentioned sign, please do not rob that house. The dog there has to be pretty large. In fact, it's a safe bet that the monster turd that I saw is all that's left of the last person who ignored the sign and tried to break in. Beware of the dog!