I AM Black History!
As another February comes to a close, another "Black History Month" comes to an end. Or so folks will have you believe. The truth is, every month should be treated like Black History Month. Not just punk assed, "I can only afford 28 days, instead of 31 like the other months" February.
Black people, it's important that you know your heritage. Those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it. You can't know where you're going, if you don't know where you've been. Up with hope, down with dope. If the glove don't fit, you must aquit.
Shit. I got carried away with the cliches. You know what I mean, though. Learn about your people!
White people and folks of other various ethnicities, it's important that you learn about the many contributions of black people, because it's more than just black history, it's AMERICAN history. You need to know the entire story, not just history.
Today, I'm doing you all a favor: I'm going to give you readers a lesson in Black History. I'm about to introduce you to the exploits of a poineer. An innovator. A man of integrity. An intellectual giant. God's gift to ovaries. The man, sitting next to the man, sitting next to the man, sitting next to the God-damned man that called your piccolo player a motherfu*ker(R.I.P. Robin Harris). The black historical figure you're about to read about is me. LEON
The Many Accomplishments of Leon
1986 - In the spirit of George Washington Carver, Leon invented 20 different flavor variations of Kool Aid. From "Cajun" to "Coca Kool Aid", "Death by Sugar" to "Pink Panther Ginger Ale", the man created all kinds of tasty and all kinds of disgusting beverage choices over the years thanks to research, trial & error and flat out luck. Note to all readers: Never make Cajun Kool Aid unless you plan to torture somebody like Jack Bauer on "24". Cajun Kool Aid = Red Kool Aid, sugar, water, Texas Pete hot sauce and Old Bay seasoning. That recipie is still illegal in 16 states.
1990 - Predicted the demise of the flat-top haircut, or high top fade. Whatever you want to call it. Leon knew it was going to lead to many an embarassing photo being used as blackmail material later in life, so he resisted the call of the box. He wasn't so lucky when it came to bright ass Cross Colours apparel, however. Leon actually went on to predict that cornrows would soon become this generation's version of the jheri curl: a style that people would hold on to way past it's expiration date. Walking around looking like a cross between Stevie Wonder and Count Blackula. When people with grey hair or receding hairlines are still doing it, that means it's coolness is on life support.
1996 - The first negro to travel to the USSR accompanied by five white women. The trip was not planned that way, but that's how it ended up. By the way, the one stereotype that ALL black men will proudly say is true, has made it's way to Eastern Europe. It was proven because Leon was greeted at his Russian school with presents and sexual propositions from women that barely spoke English on a daily basis.
1999 - Invented the cartoon character "Angree Blackman", only to see the term "angry black man" overused and beaten into the ground before he could ever getting a single strip published. Let this be a lesson to you all: Procrastination is a bitch.
2006 - Won the Best Humor Blog category in the 2006 Black Weblog Awards. This led to King Magazine offering him a column, despite the vast range of crude, outspoken and sometimes offensive subject matter featured on his blog. I mean, where else have you seen someone write about going to war with cockroaches, trimming his ball hair, Thai food mishaps, anal sex, drunk dialing, and even staging a conversation in heaven between Pope John Paul II, Ol' Dirty Bastard, Johnnie Cochran and Terri Schivo? The answer to that question is NOWHERE ELSE! Leon is the that dude.
So now that you all know about my greatness, I ask you to do me one favor. Actually, do youself this one favor: Learn at least one new black history fact a month for the rest of the year. It's not much, but it's a start in the right direction for some folks.