The title for today's Fine Sh*terature column comes from my cousin Reggie and his childhood ignorance. Apparently, upon seeing a taxicab with a sign along the side similar to this:


Reggie said something along the lines of "Awww...That cab has a cuss word on it!" It took awhile, but eventually Reggie learned that the "ASS'N" part on the cab was an abbreviation for the word "Association." This was after being joked mercilessly by the rest of the family.

My stepfather ran the joke into the ground, but "Cab Ass'n" has become an actual expression in our family thanks to Reggie. Here is the definition for the term Cab ass'n:

Cab ass'n - v 1.) Lazily wasting time; Bullsh*tting; Bojangling; 2.) The act of making extremely slothful, ignorant and self-centered life choices. Ex: Reggie! We're trying to leave! Quit cab ass'n and get in the damned car!

I brought up cab ass'n story today, because I am sick and tired of actual cabbies being the ones doing the cab ass'n! Look up at my picture on this page's header. Do I look like I'm threatening?! Of coure not. A few of you are probably even plotting to take my lunch money from me if you see me in the streets after viewing that photo. Plus, I'm cleaner than a sonofab*tch. I present myself as a fairly well-dressed fellow with a job.

 So let's run this back...I look non-threatening...I look like I have a job...I look like I put on deodorant and washed my ass...Why don't cabbies want to pick me up?


...Ok. A BEIGE-ASS NIGGER. Y'all know what I meant! I'm tired of having cabbies pass me by or break the law by refusing to pick me up, just because I'm a black man. It's 2008, and we're closer than ever to having a black president, yet I can't even get a ride home from the bar at 2:00 AM without flirting with some woman so she'll hail the cab for me, then jumping in there before the fool tries to pull off!

How many of you out there have trouble catching cabs in your city? DC can't be the only place that this is still happening. F*ck 90% of all cabbies in existence. They are scumbuckets. The only scuzzier sons of b*tches on Earth with legal jobs are tow-truck drivers. They narrowly beat out cabbies because they'll steal your car, then make you pay to get it back. Otherwise, cabbies would have this thing wrapped up.

By the way, I also need to clarify the fact that the bulk of the cabbies whom gave me a hard time weren't even white. Usually, the cabbies of African descent have tended to be the shadiest to me. That's why I did not use the word "racism" in this entry. "Discrimination" or "racial profiling" is more accurate.

I'm about to wrap this thing up, but I seriously want you to leave me a comment and let me know if you've been through the same thing. If so, I might be forced to do something about the problem in my own special way.

Oh yeah...If you happen to drive a cab and you were offended by today's entry: F*CK YOU. Stop cab ass'n!