The Greatest Generation
They don't make n*ggas like they used to. The reason this thought popped into my head is because I was reading about old school football players, and I really thought about how tough those guys had to be. For Christ's sake, you had to be one tough sonofab*tch to play football in one of these!
I don't know how those old cats used to do it! That game is wild and violent enough in 2007 with REAL pads, modern medicine and TV cameras. Back then, you had to strap up your leather helmet, hope God was on your side, then go out there and f*ck someone up before they get a chance to do it to you. In that era, if your injury was not life-threatening, you didn't leave the game. Broken collarbone? Walk it off, you pansy! Concussion? What the Hell is a concussion? Get off your sorry keester and hit the nearest guy wearing the other team's uniform!
I tell you, in the older generation, you had to be tough in order to survive. As a matter of fact, it's a safe bet that the following old men can whup the vast majority of you reading this column:
Jim Brown - Jim is in his 60s, but I still got him whupping most of you candy @ss internet readers in a one-on-one streetfight. If you plan on fighing Jim, you'd best log off right now, and start hitting the heavy bag. Otherwise, he'll treat you like one of his girlfriends.
Chuck Norris - I mean, what hasn't been said about Chuck Norris? The legendary "Chuck Norris Facts" e-mail said it all. The man can unscramble an egg! His tears cure cancer(too bad he has never cried)! I mean, the man even created giraffes by delivering one of his patented uppercuts to a horse!
The e-mail aside, Chuck was a bad dude. He'd roundhouse kick you straight to Hell! Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Straight to motherf*ckin Hell! Trust me, you did not want to be a random villian in one of his 80's movies. If you're in a Chuck Norris movie, and your character's name is "Enemy Soldier #4", that means Chuck is going to F*CK YOU UP at some point in the film. No questions asked.
Charles Oakley - The hardest dude the NBA has ever seen. The only man to get suspended not once, but TWICE in a season for b*tch-slapping players on opposing teams...in practice! He didn't even wait for the game to let these fools know how he felt about 'em! The man pulled down 10 rebounds a game, despite the fact that he could barely jump over a phone book. That in itself tells you he was tough. Oakley never let anyone push him around, and it's a pretty safe bet that he's still quick to slap the sh*t out somebody.
There are countless other folks I could mention, like civil rights leaders who did things like march from Selma, Alabama to Seattle, Washington. Barefoot. On top of broken glass. With police spraying them with water hoses and unleashing german shepherds and grizzly bears on them.
I should also mention WWII and Vietnam vets as well. I once met a man who got his balls shot off in 1970 while surrounded by enemy soldiers. He managed to kill all four Vietcong with a pocket knife and a can of pork & beans. Then he got on the ground, retrieved his balls, put them in his knapsack, and limped a mile through the jungle until he caught up with an army medic. He had to settle for a pair of plastic DuPont balls, but he got a purple heart and lived to tell the tale.
That's the kind of toughness that deserves to be recognized by today's generation. I'm not knocking the anybody doing their thing now, because there are plenty of hardcore @ss whip specialists out there in the world. I don't want to give any of them a reason to come find me and beat me into a bloody pulp. However, I stand by my statement: They don't make n*ggas like they used to!