Nothing could be worse than listening to the Franks (Sinatra and Notorious) boast about their bizarre sex romps in heaven. Consummate in the following locales and you too will then have bangin' stories to tell in the afterlife.

Happy-ending massage parlor
Of the six luxurious massage parlors in Bangkok run by Thai House of Representatives member Chuwit Kamolvisit, Hi-Class has the most panache for its name alone. Located on Ratchadapisek Road, a tree-lined avenue notorious for its clubs and discos, Hi-Class employs approximately 100 masseuses, some of them B-list print models. The selection process—based solely on what we've heard, of course—is somewhat comparable to Amsterdam's Red Light District and Nevada's Bunny Ranch. Upon selecting a masseuse, the customer is bathed (a "soapie”), massaged by the woman's nude body and then entertained by an enlightening game of charades (wink, wink). At most, two hours will set you back 5,000 Baht, which is about $125. But don't expect any of the vulgar ping-pong shows found on Patpong Road; this is Hi-Class, baby.

New york City's
St. Patrick's Cathedral
On Aug. 15, 2002, Brian Florence and Loretta Lynn Harper invoked God's wrath after allegedly having sex in St. Patrick's Cathedral as part of a radio contest. They were arrested for public lewdness, obscenity and exposure, radio DJs Greg "Opie” Hughes and Anthony Cumia were fired, and Infinity Broadcasting was fined $357,000 by the FCC. Days before the randy couple were to plead guilty, Florence, 38, died of a heart attack. So why would you want to duplicate this sacrilegious coupling? We can't think of a more intense adrenaline rush than risking eternal damnation for a quickie.

"It's a Small World After All” ride
Disclaimer: KING does not endorse pedophilia. That said, the naughtiest ride of your life includes traveling the world in 10.5 minutes while partaking of exhibitionism for mechanical cherubs. Located in California (and also found at Walt Disney World in Florida, Tokyo Disneyland and Disneyland Paris), this kid-friendly boat ride passes through rooms representing different continents and features approximately 300 dancing and singing audio-animatronics children. Celebrate cultural diversity with the infamous look-ma-no-hands salute while drifting past a miniature Eiffel Tower and Taj Mahal. Each boat holds up to 20 people, so go at off-peak hours for a roomier affair.