Baseball's holiest record is about to become the next topic in one of those "good ‘ole day” conversations old men have. As it stands, Bonds is a mere 8 home runs from breaking the all-time home run record held by Hank Aaron. There's one problem: any unsuspecting soul with not a sack of baseball knowledge will tell you, Barry Bonds is a cheater. For the better part of a decade, his annual assault upon the record books has been inestimably and greatly aided by a once little known substance called steroids. Similar to mascara for a dirty hag – it can make anybody look good, with just a little talent. Instantly, illegitimacy reared its ugly ass and now its up to academics and Cooperstown (Baseball's Hall of Fame) officials to decide his fate.

But, who cares about those guys? We care about what Hank Aaron thinks. Unfortunately, not even ESPN's SportsCenter can make black America's living source of baseball pride speak. It's like he took a page from Cam'Ron's code of ethics. The septuagenarian legend said in a recent interview that he "doesn't even know how to spell his name”. Ouch! While we doubt such phonetic complacency exists, we understand, Hank – you don't care about Barry. You probably don't even like him.  So decided to learn how to read minds, and we found out eight reasons why Hank Aaron really doesn't like Barry Bonds. Here's what Aaron was thinking:

8. I'm a grown ass man, dog. And men like me didn't wear jewelry in the locker room. Meanwhile, Barry is trying to stunt like his daddy. I knew his daddy, that man only wore his wedding ring. Not earrings, and definitely no diamond-encrusted necklace. That stuff was a girl's best friend.

7. Let's say Bonds breaks my record. I still own the boy in just about every other category that doesn't include knocking the ball out of the stadium – most RBIs, runs scored, and extra-base hits by any player. Yet everyone is still talking about these home runs? Please, anyone can trot around the bases. (Well, actually, Barry still has a hard time with that.) But I was getting on base, making doubles out of singles and triples out of doubles. My knees were good.

6. Going back to the jewelry thing. In his defense, I did have an extra piece of jewelry I'd sport every now and then  - a World Series ring. Does he have one of those?

5. You know the rule: no crying in baseball. But did you see the boy on that dumb reality show Bonds on Bonds? He forgot the rule.

4. Why should I be a friend with a guy who is friends with no one? The only person who might like him is that other Barry boy – what's his last name? Zoro?

3. His first wife was a bartender. Now I'm not going to tell you what players back in my day would do to female bartenders, but I'll tell you what we didn't do. Marry them.

2. Had the press caught me days before the boy dressed up like that Paula Abdul woman, I'd probably say something nice about him. But after I saw the wig and those fake breaststs, I just had to pray.

1.  That voice! When I first met him as a youngster, he had this tiny ass voice. I said to him, "Boy, you're going to have to fix that voice of yours. Real men don't sound like that.” I don't think he heard me.