Today is another unseasonably warm day in Washington DC, and life is wonderful. The birds are singing, folks are smiling, and best of all, women are looking exceptionally good. So good, that I ate my lunch outside today, then hung out on the corner with some of the construction workers from the building site across the street. All we did was ogle women and make dirty old man comments. It was great!

There was a drawback to this half-hour of excellence on the DC street. This drawback is that some of the women the workers pointed out were teenagers. If you looked at them from the neck down, you wouldn't know it(save for the occasional bookbag with Spongebob on it). It was pretty unsettling, because that grown woman T&A is enough to fool some guys.

I remember when you could rely on the saying "If there's grass on the field, players are gonna play."

Or this one: "If there's feathers on the Eagle, it's legal."

Nowadays, with all the stuff people are putting in food, young girls get grown woman T&A at an alarmingly fast rate. Not only that, but if that stuff is making them develop fast, chances are, their woman parts are most likely comparable to the Fertile Crescent. Plant a seed, and it will grow!

Now that I've managed to scare everybody reading this not named R. Kelly, I am going to ask you all to pay attention to the young girl signs. Usually, her voice will give you an indication as to whether or not she is a teenager. If she sounds like a kid, then you're probably looking at an all-expense paid trip to the bootyhouse if you sleep with her. Also, her attire will usually tell you all that you need to know. Watch out for extra-bright colors(unless she's Puerto Rican), anything with cartoon characters on it, overdone accessories, and jellies. Only young girls and extremely tacky people wear those ugly rubber things on their feet.

If you have any doubts from that point on, just ask to see ID. It's easier than you think. Tell the chick that she looks young, and that you don't believe she's old enough to be in college/working/etc. Trust me, only underage girls get offended when being called young. Any other woman would be more than happy to hear those words.

I hope this entry helps keep you all from making any life changing mistakes. I would hate to hear about one of my readers going to see someone they met today, and have this guy walk ouf of the kitchen

If you ever hear the words "I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC", you're officially screwed. So be careful out there!

Oh yeah, if you're extremely bored while stuck in the office and you feel like laughing, go to the Chris Hansen Dateline Soundboard! It's hilarious! The URL is below