Treat the Rich Lady Right…
Now usually I would find some way of blaming women for tragedies like these but I won't. The onus is on my fellow men who marry into very wealthy situations and don't know how to come out of it with their manhood in tact and something extra in their pocket.
When a woman marries into a comfortable situation, and then gets a divorce, you very rarely hear of her having to do without. It's like her lifestyle not only fails to register a hiccup in the immediate aftermath, it almost improves because now she's single (read: liberated) and rich.
Meanwhile, these new guys on the block â€“ the ones who are lucky enough to Stedman the game and find a woman holding offshore accounts â€“ aren't maximizing their pimping. As my homie Velvet said, "K-Fed attempted [to get rich] with a rap career. What he should have done is become a world renowned dance coordinator for Broadway, music videos, concerts, etc. because he was a backup dancer at first.â€ See, that's smart pimping. Here's more.
The Name Game Rule: Get some shit in your own name â€“ preferably something of value - stocks, real estate, a sports team; something that makes money.
The Kanye-West-Doesn't-Care-About-Broke-People-Rule â€“ You don't want a pre-nup. Not to say that you a gold digger, but you ain't no dumb ninja. Women get away with that bullshit "Marriage-is-foreverâ€ rhetoric all the time, and what's best is all women, regardless of status, believe that shit. We're talking about a species that spends their whole lives dreaming of a happy home, so if you feed her with that same line of bullshit, well, you my friend are making her dreams come true.
Dick her down and kiss her rightâ€“ The better you do, the more likely you'll stay. Don't be a lazy ass ninja in the sack, you gotta do some lip-locking so she realizes when she's alone, that piece of plastic don't kiss back. Then, when it's time, work it out man. Even if she's fed up with the plumber, she still appreciates the pipe work you gave her, which leads me to this ruleâ€¦
Don't Be Like Bobby Brow's Dumb Ass: If divorce is imminent, move out and live with one of your boys or if you can swing it, a bachelor pad of your own. Don't live with a woman you used to have on the side, especially if she's written a whole book about it. This way, when the ex's big house begins to feel more empty than usual, she'll hit you up and ask to come through (she doesn't want your ass back at her crib). Then, hire a private investigator to take pictures of her journey to your spot. The next time she's in court saying how she can't stand your ass, you have photographic proof she is committing purgery.
The Calvin-from-the-McDonald's-Commercial-Rule: Get a good job, ninja. Fuck that going back into the studio shit. Go out and find something that has good family coverage, with a flexible schedule. This way it shows that you're at least making an effort to attain your own lifestyle. Show â€˜em some pay stubs, come to court in a suit, and tell the honor, "Look, I'm trying here, but I can't do it on my own. I got used to a certain lifestyle and while I'm all about working to maintain it, UPS alone won't be able to cut it.â€ Again, women do this shit all the time.
Go-for-the-kids: Assuming there's kids involved, make a run for them. You won't get them because your baby's mama is richer than you, and we all know even broke baby mamas get the kids because the domestic court system is still pro-breasts. But that still doesn't mean you aren't entitled to your shit. Even the judge knows a child isn't going to be able to handle the drastic change of beach houses and fancy cars Mon-Fri and bus passes and a one-bedroom apartment on the weekend. To keep up appearances, you must get a comparable slice of the pie.
These tips are only for you to be able to come out of a divorce from an Oprah-type unscathed. But it really shouldn't go that far. All things created equal, you're the hunter, and no one eats unless you go out into the wilderness. So what you can't beat her in the boardroom, that's fine, she doesn't need that. What she needs is TLC, and that costs less than a CD by the group of the same name.
But we all know women are unstable creatures and when a woman's fed up, ain't shit you can do, word to R. Kelly. So when that day comes, have a plan intact. You're entitled to half and in some cases more, but you have to be willing to fight for it.