It has come to my attention that Britney Spears actually did have a logical reason for cutting off all of her hair this weekend and making herself look like a dirty shaolin Monk: She was high as giraffe pu**y!

I was never a fan of Britney, but it is good to know that she can at least blame drugs for this. When Natalie Portman shaved her head for her role in "V for Vendetta", she somehow managed to still look feminine and sexy. Britney, on the other hand, looked like 70's kung fu movie star Gordon Liu, of "Master Killer" fame. Usually, when women cut their hair, it symbolizes some form of liberation and deeper meaning. Lord only knows what Britney was thinking about, since she cut her hair in that Justin Timberlake "I'm so cool, I don't need a shape-up" style.

I feel kind of bad for Britney, mainly because of the nature of celebrity in the American public. No other place on Earth, do people build a person up to be this big time superstar, only to attempt to tear them down. Not that Britney has not given the media plenty to write about...From exposing her roast-beef looking snatch due to lack of underwear to her poor choices in husbands to reckless parenting in public, she's slipped up plenty of times in public.

Still, it's amazing to see how fast she went from "that sweet southern girl" in the media's eyes to "that sloppy piece of white trash." I blame them for a lot of it, because paparazzi never leave her alone. That woman has cameras following her almost wherever she goes. She's handling it better than I would. If I had her money, I'd hire a Papaazzi Security Team to go around and slap the sh*t out of any photographer standing within 15 feet. Then I'd take pictures and video of them crying and put them on a website called

I know this probably does not belong on King Magazine's site, since she's as lily-white as it gets, and most of the models featured here are sexy black women. Still, I know some of you brothers wanted to hit that before Kevin Federline knocked her up twice and turned her vagina into damaged goods. Once again, I'm not one of you, but I know there are some out there.

Britney, if you're reading this, remember: The black community does not give a rats ass about you. That said, there are plenty of black men out there who would line up ouside your rehab center for the chance to hit that. I say, if you're going to do something rebellious to get the media talking, don't cut your hair again. Take it one step further: Marry a black guy. You don't have to be picky. Any n*gga will do. Whether it's a popular rapper, or Ernest from "Foot Locker", it does not matter, because it will surely piss off enough people that you'll end up on the cover of all the newspapers and entertainment magazines on the shelves. Think about that, once you get past all the withdrawl symptoms of whatever drug led you to rehab. Up with hope, down with dope!