Clinton and Obama I’m Done With You Two
The race to be the presumptive Democratic nominee has just been reset. Hillary Clinton took Rhode Island, Ohio, and the Texas primaries (caucuses to be determined). Now it's on to Misissippi, Wyoming, Pennsylvania, and maybe, just maybe, all the way up until Puerto Rico. I don't know the date of that primary, but I know by the time it happens, the weather will be warm again and babies born today are no longer going to be breast fed.
Yes, the road is long, but guess what? This is where I pullover. My interest has officially been exhausted. I'm done with CNN, MSNBC, and logging onto thehuffingtonpost.com every half hour. Back to ESPN, regular NBC, MTV, and wasting time on Facebook.
Alll my sports fans out there know what happens when there's still a tie in triple overtime. At that point, you're still rooting for your squad, but you're also screaming at them because they have let this thing go on entirely way too long and you wish somebody would just wrap it up already so you can go to bed.
If Obama and Clinton expect me to continue to care, let alone, pay attention, they are now officially going to have to resort to the sort of gimmickry usually reserved for entertainment campaigns. I know it may sound dumb, but hey, I'm tired , and I think a lot of other people are tired too. So to continue make this thing interesting, here are five suggestions.
Cribs - The Candidates Edition
The MTV show that tries to make the middle class feel like paupers, could have a special episode touring the homes of Clinton and Obama. Wouldn't it be hot to find out Obama owns an indoor basketball court? Would it not be damaging to Hillary Clinton's image if we found out that her family has a hummer in the garage? How you gonna talk about green jobs for the environment and own a hummer? At the end of the show, you can have people text in their vote for which house was hotter, and the winner gets awarded one delegate from their block.
The Amazing Race - Candidates Edition
That's what this race between a white woman and a black man has been called, right? The amazing race. Well, let's make this more than just words and turn it into a half-hour to an hour special. Let the coulpes team up with their spouses, and give them physical tasks to complete. And just like the show, make them go around the globe to accomplish the tasks. For all this talk about foreign policy experience and experience on handling a crisis, a physical race would really help voters sift through all the rhetoric and observe who really knows their way around the 'hoods of Dubai.
If the race ends in a tie, the tie-breaker could be determined by randomly calling both teams at 3 a.m. Whoever answers the phone first wins.
Casual Dress Days On The Campaign
Just once I would like to see Obama make a speech in a Kangol and a t-shirt with his name on it. Rappers do it. Maybe Hillary Clinton can pound the pavement in a red, white, and blue Roc-A-Wear velour suit, even though velour suits are out of style. She could just rock a Vote or Die "throwback" baby-tee. I don't know.
The Spouses Debate
No more debates between Obama and Clinton. I've seen all that I need to see with them. I've heard all I need to hear. I want to see Michelle and Bill go head-to-head in a debate, and I'm just waiting for Bill to say the word "fairytale". Watch Michelle take those earrings off.
Make Their Itunes Playlist Public
It's time for both of these candidates to reveal themselves in a whole new way to the American public. I don't want to see their tax returns. They're both rich, so why should I care? What I want to see is their Itunes playlist. If Clinton had a bunch of Jay-Z on her ipod, and Obama was actually a closet Barbara Streisand fan, what would the world think? Could we see a shift in the base of each candidate? Steve Jobs and his crew can make each candidates playlist available to download, and whoever receives the most downloads in a week, an artist of the winners choosing is allowed to become a superdelegate.
I only give these suggestions half-jokingly. While the race is still interesting, it's also tiresome to many people, and unless you're a resident in one of the 16 remaining primary and caucus states, you probably feel the way I feel. Some of us have been invested in this race for well over a year now. That's longer than any sports season I can think of.
So now it's time to get serious, not about the issues, but about keeping our attention. Clinton and Obama, y'all better do something and it better be good.