Parental Advisory Suggested
Saturdays and post-church Sundays spent on the couch, eating wings and watching football for 10 hours will be replaced by trips to botanical gardens, art museums and yard work.
I've accepted it, so whenever it happens, I'll be ready.
But I've got a super-duper, top-secret strategy for keeping the athletic flame burning.
I'm going to have a child, but not because I want to see my offspring grow and prosper and contribute something to the world.
Nope, I want a child so I can live vicariously through their sports career and fulfill my own childhood athletic shortcomings.
My sonâ€”not sexist just what I wantâ€”will be trained from birth. Hopefully, he'll be a left-hander, so he can fulfill his destiny of becoming a mediocre reliever in MLB and can make millionsâ€”by then maybe trillionsâ€”of dollars not doing much.
Plus, it's baseball so you know he isn't going to have a catastrophic injury.
Which leads me to a broader pointâ€”whenever I do bring a child into this world and he gets of sports-playing age, he will not be playing football.
The game has simply become too violent, too aggressive and too physical for my liking.
[Insert name here] McMillan will be fine on the diamond. He won't be getting tackled and won't have to worry about fans and rival schools questioning his toughness.
The collisions that take place, not just in the National Football League, but all the way down to the middle and high school level are becoming more fantastic and damaging each year.
That's not to say my son won't be tough and that we don't appreciate the sacrifice many football players make each week.
That's simply saying, " I won't be willing to make that sacrifice with my son."
Just last week, the NFL saw a potentially serious injury occur.
Arizona Cardinals running back Anquan Boldin was laid outâ€”literallyâ€”after a helmet-to-helmet hit from New York Jet's safety Eric Smith.
Following the hit, Boldin laid in the end zone, stiff and without movement. He was taken off the field on a stretcher and, luckily, will make a full recovery.
Boldin's father, Carl, said his son suffered a fractured sinus membrane and took stitches to his lip as a result of the hit, according to the Palm Beach Post.
"They did a CT scan that came up negative and he was feeling good, so there was no reason to keep him," Carl Boldin said, according to the report."If it was left up to Anquan he would be able to play today," his father said, according to the newspaper. "But we have to err on the side of caution. If he's cleared medically, though, he'll play."
From the tragic, career-ending injuries of Mike Utley and Kevin Everitte to the recent hit on Boldin football is becoming too harsh a sport.
And it's only going to get worse.
Athletes will always continue to get bigger and stronger. As technology and nutrition improve, the 6-4, 250-pound linebacker, will become the 6-6, 275-pound linebacker. The collisions will become harder and happen faster and with greater severity.
When the 2035 NFL season rolls around and you're wondering why multi-sport athlete [Insert name here] McMillan, the son of Sherrell McMillan, isn't playing despite his superior athletic prowessâ€”just know there is a reason.
It's because his daddy doesn't want to his son to get hurt.